Gustong Makalimutan ang Natutunan

I've been going through some pictures from Lomo and other toy cameras at Flickr and reminisced about the time in high school when I had access to a darkroom, and would sometime skip school to hide out under the Sydney Harbour Bridge at its northern end and just while away the afternoon taking pictures of things and stuff, and not really being sure if they came out sharp or if I got the exposure right. I'd be carrying a twin lens Yashica medium format camera and an old Pentax K-something SLR with match needle light meter.



I liked to experiment then. The whole process was an experiment. It was like, "...for all you know, you could end up with a nice frame that will be ruined by air bubbles during film development so don't bother yourself too much about composition and stuff." It was almost like alchemy.



Part of the fun of creating idiot-angled pictures was the development. I thoroughly enjoyed pushing the Ilford films to really get that grainy look. However I try, I can't get the velvety look of those really large format pictures of the dead or dying masters; so, if you can't go one way, go the opposite way: underexpose and push (double or even triple the time it would normally take soaking the film in the developer) to really get the grains popping out everywhere.



I miss those days. I had the keys to the darkroom and had an almost unlimited supply of film at my disposal. I was one of those students who have shown genuine enthusiasm towards the arts and was encouraged by our art teacher, Mr. Cummerford, to really try anything. With encouragement I meant providing us with all the resources that we need to produce our artworks.



Looking at my contact prints then never fails to bring a smile in my eyes. I'd shake my head at a whole roll of underexposed or underdeveloped film ? who knows how that happened - then I'd smile at my attempts to recover by using red filters during the printing process. I'd fall in love with the old images again and wonder how it would look like blown up.





Something is missing when I take pictures as an enthusiast nowadays. My youth? The uncertainty in using b&w film and developing it myself? The thrill of seeing your images for the first time?



Do I dare say that being a beginner allowed me the freedom to do things how my creative self deem it fit to be done? And how about the enthusiasm that this brings?



Taking pictures nowadays feel almost mechanical. It seems as if I must fulfill the basic requirements of a good picture before caving in to creativity. Now, how to unlearn and feel free again. How not to feel guilty about taking a picture with really bad angles and composition just because it ?feels? right. How not to feel bad when the foreground is out of focus just because you really don't want it focused. How not to feel so conscious about the right exposure because you just want it really dark or really washed out.



I tell myself I can always do it at Photoshop... but how to do it without feeling like you are butchering an image?

Rant...rant...rant...